Do you ever stand back and look at your life and wonder how you got to where you are in this moment? Right now It's 1:21 am (even though my computer says it is 2:17am) on November 11th and I'm laying in my bed thinking about when everything went wrong. It seems like it wasn't that long ago that I had my life together. All the pieces fit in place for the most part and I was content. Then, without rhyme or reason, my perfectly fitting puzzle was thrown in the air and all the pieces scattered and were left lost, mangled and destroyed. My puzzle will never be perfect again.
This time last year I was happy. My life had just changed for the better and something I had wanted for a long time had finally happened. It was the right place, the right time, the right person. And although everything else in my world was starting to fall apart, that one part of my life was still puzzle perfect. Then disaster hit. I can't explain in words what it meant to lose the biggest part of my life, or what it was to know that the person I could always turn to and who loved me unconditionally and gave me life, was gone, and never coming back. But my one section of the puzzle was still intact and it was holding me together.
It's different now. There is nothing left of my puzzle.
To the person who made my puzzle fit for so long...I have a few things to say.
"I never wanted to say goodbye. Standing late at night with you when you finally made our relationship official, I never thought I'd have to. I hurt without you. It's like the old saying goes, "You don't realize what you have until it's gone." Well, here I am crying and looking through photos on facebook and wondering where in the hell it went wrong? We were just in the lobby when I came to visit and you were picking me up and spinning me around cause you were so happy to see me. We were just in the North End having one of the funnest nights with amazing friends. We were just skyping over the summer and talking and singing ridiculous songs to each other and laughing. We were just at the baseball game meeting our "balloon couple" for the first time. We were just sitting outside the library and you were forcing me to tell you that I liked you even though you knew what I was going to say. We were just having our first kiss the night before I left for home. We were just going to dinners and talking and sharing inside jokes and secrets. We were just driving miles across the country together and waking up in the same bed next to each other. And now we don't speak. Or look at each other. And every time I see you I want to go back to the way things were. I want to have you in my life again. It breaks my heart that days and weeks and almost a month has gone by without talking to you. I just don't know how we got here and I don't know how to get back to a better place. I miss you and I still love you. I probably always will."
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