the fats of life...

Yes. I said "fats" of life. You ever promised yourself you'd never do something, only to discover you've done the exact thing that you promised you never would? If you answered yes to that question then you know exactly how I'm feeling right now. About 3 years ago I started a weight loss journey. I hate putting it that way because it romanticizes something that is nothing short of blood, sweat and tears...all three of which I experienced. During my "journey" (ugh!) I lost about 35 pounds. That wasn't my ultimate goal, but man was I proud of myself. I promised myself I would never gain those 35 pounds back ever again. I looked good. I felt amazing and I started to regain confidence that had been lost over a lot of years of eating my feelings and stress.

Speaking of eating my stress..I've had a lot of stress lately. Needless to say, a lot of late night trips to the drive thru, larger than necessary meals and more meals than necessary later...and well...hello again 35 pounds. I'm so upset with myself. I'm upset for a lot of reasons. First of all, I'm upset that I broke that promise to myself. I'm angry that I'm using my stress as an excuse to eat more than I need. I'm disappointed that I look in the mirror and I don't like how I look anymore. I feel stupid that with my family history of cancer, diabetes, asthma, alzheimer's, parkinson's, high blood pressure, and heart disease that I don't take better care of myself.

It changes now. I'm not in a place where I feel comfortable posting what my starting weight is. I know that some may say that's a sign that I'm not really committed to this weight loss jour....this goal I have, but I know I'm committed. Maybe when I'm down to my goal weight I'll tell you what my starting weight was...but as for now..I'm living this reality and I don't want to be more self conscious than I already am. I'm going to post updates every two weeks to keep accountability for my actions and to give myself enough time to actually see some results.

I don't want to lose weight just to look good, although don't get me wrong, that's definitely a big motivator. I want to lose weight to be healthy, to lower my risk of the cancer that took my mom's life. I want to start a new way of life where I would rather eat a salad than a Whopper with cheese. I can do this.

September 2010             December 2012